One Year
by MC-GAR-IL
Summary: It's been a year, and yet it still feels like she's there and Liara's heart still bleeds
1. One Year

It was raining.

Liara looked outside her window and watched as the population Illium was caught in the oncoming storm. She was glad that today she decided to work from home. She could still hear the surprise in Nexeris' voice when she was told she had the day off.

Liara gently touched the cold glass tracing the path of a raindrop as it slowly crept to the bottom of the window pane.

"Today marks a year..."

Her voice was soft as she spoke out in her empty home. She spent another minute before she turned around and headed to her closet her bare feet padding gently across the room. When she reached the closet she hesitated, hand outstretched and lip held firmly in between her teeth. She contemplated for a moment before she felt a chill pass through her barely clothed body.

Making up her mind she grabbed the handle and opened the walk in closet. Ignoring the row of jackets that was right in front of her she made her way inside and walked to the back where there was a box stashed in the corner. Bending down her fingers ghosted over the faded text that read 'Yours, Mine, Ours' in a rushed scrawl that made her heart clench in want.

Gently opening the worn flap she let's a smile grace her lips as she looked over the little momentum's of a life that seemed like it was hundreds of years ago. She reaches toward the bottom and pulls out red and black N7 hoodie. Standing up again she caresses the N7 stitching before slipping the sweater over her head. She makes her way back out the closet and stands at the edge of her bed.

She pulls the sweater tighter around her and buries her nose in it inhaling, imagining that the scent of evergreens and peppermints was still present. And for a moment she fools herself into thinking she actually smells it, she thinks she can actually feel strong arms wrap around her waist and a deep feminine laugh tickle her ears.

Her heart thuds. Her eyes begin to sting. She gnaws on her lip almost drawing blood as she rapidly blinks. She falls forward on the bed and curls up into a ball.

"Goddess..." She whimpers as tears start to fall down her checks.

It's been a year but it feels like it was just yesterday that Shepard was here, and they were on the Normandy laying down in Shepard's bed smiling like idiots at each other as they enjoyed the peace that was created after Saren was defeated and the imminent threat to the universe was stopped.

It's been a year but Liara feels like she's aged a century, and she's so tired of pretending to be all right, tired of waking up alone, tired of mourning. She just wants Shepard back! But Shepard is dead, she reminds herself, not daring to hope that Cerberus' promises of bringing her back to be true. So she swallows past the lump in her throat and wraps her arms around herself and the sweater and tells herself this is the last time she'll break down like this.

And as she drifts off to sleep she dreams that Shepard is there holding her and whispering that she'll see her soon.

 **MC:** Yo, this is actually the first thing I've written in months. You see I was in a bit of a slump but then I dragged my friend into the mass effect fandom and got her to ship Shiara, and she sent me a little ficlet she wrote on FB so I sent her one back and I was shocked that I just wrote an (albeit very short) story, and at how easily the words came and now I'm out of my slump (I think) so yay! Also This this the first time I've written for the ME fandom, double yay!


	2. Two Years

It was a beautiful day

Granted Illium was always beautiful rain or shine. Liara glanced out the window of her office wishing she could be like one of the random civilians she saw outside. She was sure none of them was having a meltdown at the moment. Although she kept her frantic state hidden behind her rigid and commanding posture and cool yet intimidating facial features.

She lazily brings her attention back to the pleading human who was on the other end of the holo-call. He had the decency to slightly flinch when she brought her gaze back to him. He clearly saw the lack of interest in his excuses reflected in her hardened gaze so he held his tongue cutting off the rest of his speech.

Liara just looked at him for a moment letting him sweat a bit. 'Honestly I don't have time for this, _she'll_ be here any moment I'm sure.' Not wanting to waste another second Liara decided to end this call.

As she was drawing to then end of her gentle prod, which was really a poorly concealed threat she heard the door to her office swish open.

"Either you pay me, or I flay you alive... with my mind." Quickly hitting the end button on her omnitool she took a breathe trying to compose herself before turning around.

But a second turned into two, and two stretched into thirty and Liara still didn't feel like she was ready.

"Liara?"

Goddess it sounded just like her, that same tremulous alto that warms Liara's soul and makes her heart stutter a half step. What was she thinking she couldn't do this, she couldn't turn around and face the ghost that has haunted her for the past two years. Her shoulders shake as a quiet dry sob racks her body. She would not cry, she refused to cry she had to be strong, she wasn't the same naïve archeologist from two years ago.

"Liara..."

This time the voice is much closer and laced with concern. Liara feels the warmth of an arm slip around her waist and she can't help but lean into the embrace. Her pseudo confident demeanor shattered into a million pieces from just one touch. How did she think this was a good idea?

"Liara look at me... please."

Oh how she wanted to but she couldn't, not yet, Liara had to compose herself first, she had to start putting distance between them or all she worked for would have been for naught.

"If... if I turn around, I'm afraid that you won't actually be there, that you're just another figment of my imagination."

Logically Liara knew this was false. She got the email from Miranda one month ago. She remembers reading and rereading the two simple sentences at least a hundred times. _'Subject is awake. The Lazarus Project was a success.'_ So logically she knew that Shepard was alive, and Shepard was here in her office, but her heart that was battered from two years of morning and longing refused to believe it.

A shudder passed through her body as a nose nuzzled the side of her neck.

"It's me Li, I promise I won't disappear if you turn around, and you know I keep my promises."

Taking one more breath Liara finally wills herself to turn around, and not even an inch away is Shepard and her toothy grin that is firmly plastered on her face.

"See I'm still here, I told you I would be."

For a moment Liara indulges on her wants and brings a hand up to trace a path down Shepard's face, starting from the old scar on her left eyebrow, past her amethyst eyes that held a tint of red around the pupil, that same red tint was present in the scars that adorned her cheek. After her confirmation that Shepard was here Liara began to remove her hand from her loves face only for it to be covered by Shepard's hand and placed back on her glowing cheek. They held each others gaze, Liara's searching and Shepard's inviting. Allowing herself to be selfish one more time Liara slowly leans in letting her lips brush over Shepard's, a thrill running through her spine as Shepard pressed closer firmly fusing their lips together.

As the kiss continued Liara found the lines she had mentally etched between them begin to blur, she was forgetting why she couldn't let this happen. Goddess she wanted this so much, this is everything she dreamed of for the last two years only to have it snatched away as she woke up in cold sweats and images of Shepard's mangled body dancing in her mind. But here she was, solid and warm and _alive_!

 _'... but for how much longer?'_ That thought pulled her out of hazy and hope filled thoughts. Pulling away from the lips she prayed every night she could kiss again Liara took a step back needing to put some distance between them physically before she could begin to rebuild the emotional barriers she had built.

 _'How much longer until she's off on the next fatal mission to save a galaxy that would not heed her warnings?'_ Liara thought to herself, _'After she leaves this office she'll be back on the path of the collectors, back on the path of what Cerberus had deemed a "suicide mission."and this time there would probably be no coming back.'_ Her heart lurched in her chest, aware of the sharp pain of loss making its appearance again after finally turning it into a distant ache. She had worked so hard to prepare herself for the possibility of Shepard coming back, she thought she was ready, she thought she was strong enough to let her go. It was almost funny how with one touch every wall she worked to erect for two years began to give way.

"Shepard..."

"At your service Ms. Croft." Shepard smiled cheekily giving the asari a slight bow.

And in that moment Liara knew that pushing Shepard away was going to be harder than she originally thought.

XxxxxxxxxxxX

MC: Sup everyone, I wasn't planning on writing a part two to this but RJRelentless put this idea in my head. And yes I left it open ended enough that I may (like a 85% possibility) write a part three to this. I hope this sort of lived up to your expectations RJay! Also you guys got a slight taste of my Shep in this story, although all you really know is her eye color and morality preference, maybe I'll write a separate little one shot to introduce her. But I'll see you guys next time! And don't forget to review! Finally sorry for any layout or grammar errors since I'm posting this from my phone.


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